My Titan journey 2019!

It came to the point that after completing my Reaver, and my Warhound, of course doing Armies On Parade, and the Walk for Natestribe, I'd accomplished way more than I thought was going to be possible with the god-engines and the year of 2019 was ending on a crazy high. The flipside of that, what goes up must come down. I only ever set out to have one Titan, and the one I wanted the most of all was the Reaver, the ultimate dream was to have a Warhound as well but it wasn't guaranteed to happen from the start of my Titan Journey by any stretch, it just happened that one came up at the right time which needed  a lot of TLC and was more affordable because the warpuppy had its issues. Getting to the end of those builds left me feeling really blue, real down in the dumps and quite burnt out from a mammoth hobby painting streak. Where do I go from that!? Had I completed the models that had been on my bucket list for years and always felt out of reach, i would have been satisfied with just one of course. I'd wanted to own them from the first day I saw them but I couldn't believe the come down from it all at the end. It was a real crash and burn mentally reaching the end of a real crazy year, going through spinal surgery, the tough road back to any normality though a long and hard recovery and it felt like being on board a speeding steamtrain to get them done for Armies On Parade, I'd never once allowed myself to stop and come up for air (maybe for the best) or wondered what on earth i'd do when they are done, and that felt more like an emotional train wreck than I was expecting. The work on the Titans had been a major part of my recovery, a crutch to lean on and switch off from everything that I was still going through and what could I possibly do next.... what would give me any kind of the satisfaction like working on Titans. We call it the Titan itch! 

..... there was just more model on the bucket list though, could it really happen?

I got my first Titans while I was still at school when the First Edition of Adeptus Titanicus 6mm scale came out. I started trading away my Rogue Trader RTB01 Space Marines for this exciting new game (probably really loosing out on the deals i was making too, but I was young and boy I needed the Titans at all costs!!!!) I got the box of 6 Warlord Titans and was captivated by them. Imagining the true scale of these collosal walking War machines as tall as buildings!!! I was a huge fan of War Of The Words so could clearly picture these huge fighting machines devastating city blocks as they go. My wish back then was I hope we see these in regular 40k 28mm scale one day and really thinking it wouldn't ever happen, i mean it couldn't be possible could it!!! 




Fast forwards to 2006 and discovering Forge World for the first time, the even more expensive resin heaven boutique subsidiary of Games Workshop, the dream had become reality. 2 Warounds and a Reaver was already out. Sadly my circumstances at the time wouldn't allow for Titan ownership, but we're all allowed to dream right! I almost got one in as a commission a few years later but it fell through in the final stages of talks, as the clients personal circumstances had changed and I thought my best shot at ever painting one was over in that instant.

Fast forwards again to 2016, id been away from the hobby for a couple of years, i'd had a total mental breakdown and was really hating all my paint work and couldn't even look at any of it. I'd convinced myself that I was the worlds worst painter and I'd been in that slump for a couple of years. At that point I was totally 100% out of the hobby I'd loved since 1987 because of my head jelly! Depression is a very isolating illness that steals all the joy and passion out of you. Even turning you against everything you love the most at times. 



My friend suggested a day out to Nottingham in the summer of 2016 to get me out of the house and Warhammer World was mentioned. I'd never been and was still interested enough to finallh see it. I'd given the greatest part of my life to the hobby from being 11 years old, having a day job based around it, owning a model shop in Whitby that was an independent stockist of GW, and running painting lessons and commission work throughout 4th edition 40k before the rug got pulled out from under me with spiraling mental illness. I was having the best day in a long time seeing all the models on display, and I wasn't doing the usual routine of comparing myself to any of the beautiful work on display or beating myself up for not being as good as those amazing artists who are leagues above me. I was just seeing the models with brand new fresh eyes and finally free of the inner voices! It was that day i also saw Titans in the flesh for the very first time! The Reaver and Warhound, they looked even more magnificent in real life than id imagined and photography never did their true scale justice. The very end of the exhibition at Warhammer World they had the biggest models they produce on display the Tau Manta which was a sight to see!! The biggest and most expensive model id ever seen at a £1000....... and then the display case next to it and thats when my jaw dropped wide open, I think I even muttered expletives!!! In my time out of the hobby I had no idea that they had gone and done it!!!! They had actually brought out a Warlord Titan (in 2015) it wasn't a year old yet!!!!!! I couldn't believe I didn't know this was a thing now!!! I felt like that 12 year old me that saw the Titanicus scale one for the first time only instead of being a couple of inches tall it was 2ft tall!!! I genuinely couldn't believe what I was seeing. It went straight on the bucket list of course but I also thought it would take a lottery win to achieve it. It was nearly the same price as my first car!!! I dreamed of owning one, one day!








I started painting again the day after the WHW trip, not everyday but it was huge progress to be inspired enough to pick up a brush, I was actively looking at new models, buying the White Dwarf magazines and talking about the hobby again. It was a leap from where I had been mentally.


I was very much on the fence at the end of 2019. I started seriously considering it. Would I want to own a Warlord Titan, OF COURSE!!! Could I be so narrow-minded in my quest to commit myself to save up for one? Well thats the tricky part. I'd have to give up everything to make it a reality. Every treat that I didn't need would have to be cut out. I'm partial to red wine on a Friday night, fast food. Even Warhammer itself, I couldn't buy the latest releases and save at the same time, i did like to treat myself little and often but i had managed it for my other Titans, and it was a real hard slog to get to the finish line, did I have it in me to go the distance, even further? I set myself mini milestone goals so I would allow myself to back out of it without feeling like a failure, Warhound, Reaver, Warbringer (I was finally starting to warm to the Warby!!) and the Warlord being the jackpot! If I got half way and needed to back out at any time id have been REALLY happy with a second hound or a second Reaver! 

I would treat myself to one final purchase the grandmaster edition of Adeptus Titanicus so I had a between Titan, Titan project and I could test colour schemes and a pose on the mini titans!!
I even took a couple of commission jobs for mates that would get the ball rolling on saving for it. Come birthday and Xmas all the family made donations into the Warlord Titan fund. 2020 was going to be my year, 44 years old, my lucky number, the year of the Warlord Titan, what could possibly go wrong??